My life never settles down; I literally live in a state of movement and discomfort. Over the years, I’ve learned to deal with it, but the last six months have been insane. I’ve had my first ever car crash, which totalled my car, I’ve met someone, moved, finally opened the UK marketing agency, and dealt with a host of post-crash medical issues that leave me exhausted. In short, it’s been manic, so no wonder I have writers block and clinical exhaustion. 🤣
Nine weeks ago, I dislocated my kneecap. Before you jump to conclusions, this did not happen on the pole. This happened doing a lunge. Yes, you read that right, a LUNGE on the floor. It was severe enough for the studio to call an ambulance, and for me to be in crutches for supposedly six weeks. Six weeks of no pole, you’ve got to be joking. Not when I had my first performance in fifteen years, only seven days away. Fuck your six weeks… I’ve got a showcase to do.
The Phoenix has always represented a transformation or a new chapter in my life.
I painted this in January when I was facing the transition from feeling rejected and afraid to slowing learning to balance on my own legs; not quite ready to walk at that point. I felt paralysed and scared to breathe or even make a simple decision like what to eat for dinner. I felt pressured by my past self who was always decisive and lost all hope of regaining what I had lost. I was so very broken. So, I decided to paint this, figuratively burn myself and rise from the ashes of my past, born anew. Shortly after, I started pole training and I am an entirely different person now.
I made what most would call a big mistake: I deleted about half of my blog posts from five years ago. I spent months reading into the repercussions of this and how it would affect my Google search rank, and how it would impact the volume of my blog. None of it mattered in the end.
I grew as a Writer.
After writing for nearly eight years, I grew as a writer, and will continue to grow. I read some of the content from way back when and wondered why the hell I wrote about that. Why would I have written 573 words of nothing. My writing goals were very different back then. I was writing to make noise. Today, I am writing to make a point. At least I hope that I make a point.